McDonald’s! Make Me Fat and Happy — Please!

mcdonaldsEarlier this week McDonald’s announced they’d be placing Fitbits in their Happy Meals for kids in an effort to encourage our little ones to exercise, as if apple slices weren’t bad enough. Big mistake! This obsession with fitness is a recipe for disaster if the McDonald’s corporation ever hopes to be amongst the elite fast-food burger chains again. Political correctness doesn’t taste as good as fries. If McDonald’s wants to be successful, they should focus on making us fat, happy and unhealthy.

Let me be clear: I’m against neither healthy eating nor exercise. We all know it’s good for us. But, McDonald’s has forgotten what made them successful in the first place. Can we all agree that the majority of McDonald’s clients aren’t looking for a salad when going through the drive-thru? Screw the health-food junkies that try to embarrass the rest of us!

This “PC culture,” which is a type of subjective morality for those that don’t have a relationship with God, has infected boardrooms across America to the point where corporate leaders are more concerned about feeling morally good about themselves and being praised by left-wing food Nazis than serving a good product. It’s an unnecessary dilemma they’ve put themselves in. Parents are smart enough to realize McDonald’s food isn’t intended for daily consumption, but like the government, it seems the restaurant chain is convinced we’re too dumb to think for ourselves. They need only be concerned with making good food that brings us back for more – food that could make us fat if we lost control.

I’ll be damned if I’m going to purchase sliced apples in a Happy Meal when I could go to the grocery store to get a whole one. McDonald’s is confused! They’re trying to do too much. As a result, they’re unintentionally opening themselves up to more competition. If I’m craving an apple, I don’t think McDonald’s, I think grocery store. McDonald’s needs to be concerned about making a product so good and tasty that when I crave an inexpensive burger, they’re the first place that comes to mind.

Speaking of things that come to mind, let me tell you about some fun memories from my childhood I associate with McDonald’s. My dad has never been an affectionate guy. In fact, growing up we weren’t close at all, because he was strictly a disciplinarian up until the time my mom died. I was 11 at the time. I didn’t hear many, if any, words of encouragement or affirmation from him while I was growing up. I don’t ever remember hearing him telling me “I love you” as a kid. Thank God he has within the last eight years – for those of you who are making your fries soggy with tears – but I had to tell him first.

“Carl, what does this have to do with McDonald’s burgers?” Everything! Let me explain. Two to three times a year my dad would take me and two of my older brothers to Malibu or Venice beach in California to go bike riding, and we would always stop along the way for a McDonald’s burger, drinks, and we’d share a couple cartridges of their large fries between us. It was amazing! It was also the only time I saw my dad enjoying life like a kid – he became a totally different person. McDonald’s will always be a part of those great memories.

I hope McDonald’s will create more memories for kids like me. They can start by making their fries as unhealthy and delicious as they use to be! Remember the days in the not-too-distant past when no other establishment could even compare to the taste of McDonald’s fries? At times, I’d go through the drive-thru just to purchase their fries alone! Well, OK – a strawberry milkshake, too. Not anymore.

To be as successful as they once were, McDonald’s has to realize that they don’t have to become an off shoot of Whole Foods. They only need to be McDonald’s – with all of the grease, salt, milkshakes and junk food that kept us coming back for more.

If they insist on catering to the health and fitness crowd, might I suggest they drop the apples and market themselves as the best place to have a “cheat day”? That way they don’t have to lose the rest of us.

Originally published at

Photo credit: Calgary Reviews (Creative Commons) – Some rights reserved

CarlJacksonCarl Jackson is a radio talk show host – his web site is Media wishing to interview Carl Jackson, please contact

The views expressed in opinion articles are solely those of the author and are not necessarily either shared or endorsed by Black Community News.

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